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Healthy Masculinity...does it exist?

Provocative articles and essays on technology, culture, and society.

Does a healthy manosphere influencer exist?

The Paradox of the Masculine Guide

When I ask whether healthy masculinity exists, what I really mean to ask is whether or not a healthy masculine influencer exists. I think not, nor do I think it should exist – it defies a core tenant of manhood to forego action and progress in the name of…influence. Men are meant to carve and forge their path, they are not meant to dole out advice to others. Why would you waste your prime years doing this? It is because you are a snake or a weasel, either way, your motives nor your means are not in the right place. With that being said, there is the possibility that someone is at the top of their game in their lane and might feel obliged or inclined to provide their tips and tricks to win the game of life on the side.

There's something inherently suspect about a man who claims to have it all figured out and wants to sell you the answers. Real men are too busy living, creating, building – actually doing the things worth talking about – to spend their days telling others how to be a man.

The most authentic wisdom often comes from men who never sought to be influencers at all.

The Wisdom of Age and Its Diminishing Returns

Still, men who are outside of their prime are the primordial sages of wisdom – the problem is that we have cut them off at the legs. Someone like Jordan Peterson is the closest thing to a healthy masculine influencer….and isn't that kinda sad? The only man with the gusto and braggadocios to be this model for manhood is traditional and highly pious. He's someone who has been cut off at the legs. His traditional views are either viewed as bigoted – or not at all (censored).

Now, it would be welcomed to hear from a liberal, spiritual/agnostic/atheist 50, 60 something man. To espouse how to hold yourself and be successful as a man in today's world. I think the problem is that there is nothing to gain from saying what's on your mind for this person. In all likelihood, whatever this hypothetical person would have to say would be dissected under a microscope and it would be deemed unfit or bigoted by a loud minority. You hurt your business, your image, everything, for what was an altruistic purpose.

We've created a culture that simultaneously demands masculine role models while being quick to crucify anyone who steps into that role. The result? The men with the most wisdom to share have the most to lose by sharing it. It's less risky to stay silent than to become a target in our oft outrage-driven discourse.

The Manson Way: Give a Fuck About What Matters

So where does that leave us? In no man's land. I think someone who has been impactful without causing too much of a raucous is Mark Manson. He's got good life advice that is effective for just about anyone. Funnily enough, Mark started off in the manosphere, you'll just have to dig deeper to find any of his very early work which had a certain machismo to it; these pieces were directed at men looking to get laid. He left that behind because of the tenuous nature of it all. He also apparently felt it was puerile and somewhat misogynistic.

What works about Manson's approach is that it's not specifically about masculinity – it's about being a functional human who gives a fuck about the right things. His approach aligns with what I believe is the healthiest path forward: focusing less on performing masculinity and more on developing authentic personhood.

The subtle art, if you will, is learning to recognize what masculine qualities actually serve you in creating a meaningful life, and which ones are just socially-constructed bullshit that leaves you exhausted, isolated, and unfulfilled.

The Bar Stool Philosophy: Finding Wisdom in Unlikely Places

So if men want to get advice, they're on their own at the moment. You're best off going down to the bar and seeing what might float to the surface there, you never know. I feel like as a man, you want to make sure whatever life advice you are garnering is accurate and truthful, you don't want to waste a decade away on bad advice. There is a paradox in the reliability of advice from some Joe Schmo' down at the bar. But I bet you whatever advice you get trumps that of the scourge advice that's stipulation lays in creating a mini-fortune from $3 PDF purchases. Beware of the manfluencer.

There's something beautiful about the bar stool philosopher – the guy who doesn't claim to have all the answers, who openly acknowledges his failures alongside his successes, who offers perspective without trying to sell you on a "system." His advice might not be perfect, but at least it's authentic and given without expectation of reward.

The older man at the end of the bar nursing a whiskey might tell you about his three failed marriages alongside his successful business. Unlike the Instagram guru, he's not trying to craft a perfect narrative – he's sharing the messy reality that might actually help you navigate your own messy reality.

The Absurdity of Modern Masculinity

We find ourselves in a peculiarly absurd situation: men are simultaneously told that traditional masculinity is toxic, yet offered few viable alternatives. The masculine influencer industry thrives on this confusion, selling simple answers to complex questions of identity. But as Camus might suggest, perhaps embracing the absurdity is the only honest response.

Maybe the healthiest form of masculinity isn't found in a coherent philosophy at all, but in the willingness to forge meaning in a fundamentally meaningless universe. To accept that there is no instruction manual, no definitive guide to being a man, and to find freedom in that very uncertainty.

Give a Fuck About Your Own Path

Drawing from Manson's philosophy, perhaps the key is being more selective about the fucks we give when it comes to masculinity. Instead of fixating on whether we're "man enough" by some external standard, we might focus on developing qualities that actually enhance our lives and the lives of those around us – regardless of whether those qualities are traditionally coded as masculine.

Developing resilience, emotional intelligence, practical skills, ethical principles, and the capacity for meaningful connection – these are worthy investments of our limited fucks, regardless of gender.

Finding Your Way Without a Map

In the absence of healthy masculine influencers, we're left to navigate largely on our own. This can feel disorienting, but it also offers unprecedented freedom to define masculinity on our own terms.

Rather than seeking a guru, perhaps the healthiest approach is to:

Be deeply skeptical of anyone selling masculinity as a product
Curate wisdom from diverse sources, both expected and unexpected
Test ideas against your lived experience rather than accepting them on authority
Build a community of honest men who can offer perspective without judgment
Recognize that uncertainty about what it means to be a man is not a failure but an opportunity

The most impactful men throughout history didn't follow a blueprint for masculinity – they defined it through their actions, their values, and their impact on the world around them. Perhaps that's still the best way forward: not seeking to embody someone else's definition of masculinity, but creating your own through the way you live.

In a world of manfluencers selling certainty, maybe the most revolutionary act is embracing the uncertainty and finding your own way through the wilderness. Still not convinced? Well, there’s always David Goggins. Stay Hard!

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